(Written 3/26/13)
Tonight in a class with Adrienne Viramontes, we talked about some of her research which related to her Mexican family. Naturally, I tried to find some sort to relation to my life (so that I could understand better). I grew up in very multicultural situations. My father is full-blooded Native American (Canadian?), but him and my mother split when I was young. My mother then married my step-dad, who is Mexican. With that being said, I myself am not Mexican, but I grew up in a very "Mexican" home. This has really shaped how I feel about race and ethnic identities, as well as gender issues and identities.
Now with all of that contextual knowledge, I will get into how I related this to gender issues. Viramontes commented that in Mexican families, being male gives a tremendous amount of male privilege and entitlement. I started to think about my family. When I was growing up in my home, I lived this. My sisters went through a tremendous amount of pressure and expectations. My stepfather often commented that they need to learn how to cook and how to clean. They won't get a man if they don't learn these things. They need to not 'speak up' or talk back, but rather be submissive to men, especially him. I don't speak about these things to speak poorly of him, but rather just to portray a context. I don't think any of it was malicious, but just part of his culture. With all of those things said, nothing was expected of me. I didn't have to clean and I never cooked. I never had any house chores other than taking out the trash (somehow this was a masculine chore).
Interestingly, my older sister Carly took this role quite seriously. She cooked many of our family dinners and cleaned willingly. She got to be quite good at these things. Carly is now married with four kids. My other sister, Elayna, rejected those ideas. She talked back a lot and refused to cook. She always found a clever way to snap back at my stepfather's ideas. She didn't care about having a man or building a family. Now, Elayna still doesn't take any kind of housekeeping role and doesn't plan to have kids. I find these things interesting. I think our family situations have powerful effects on our social construction. Those same circumstances also shape how we view gender and gender roles. I grew up thinking, I'm a male so I don't have to clean. I'm a male so I don't have to prepare for marriage or home life. I can't speak for my sisters, but I think Carly based her actions on how she viewed her gender.
My question is, to whomever is reading, how did your family upbringing shape how you view your gender? How has it affected where you are now in life?
To answer your question, I feel that that my upbringing highly shaped who I am today. My father is a retired police detective and was the disciplinarian. I grew up afraid to disrespect him and it has taught me how to have manners and behave accordingly. My mother is fun and girly and taught me how to be a woman. I think that my parents both did an excellent job raising me and teaching me right from wrong. I had to do both feminine and masculine activities since my parents are divorced.
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